Art of non-doing and all-that-within-me — reflections on three months in Hawaii

As I finally signed a lease on a dream house in Maui, replenished my need for connection with a few intimate conversations, and completed errands and shopping for starting a new year, new school semester, and new community house, today I sat in the balcony and let out my breath. FEELING INTO. SPACE. TRUST. DEVOTION. SAVORING. THE EBBS AND FLOWS OF LIFE. AHH. SOOO.

A year ago, I was a collector of peak experiences, riding the high of my life filled with concerts, festivals, workshops, events, new connections, new destinations, new self-discoveries and new state of consciousness. I remember talking to my life coach about how unsatisfied I was whenever my emotions and feeling of purpose seemed to dampen down as ecstatic experiences subside.

At that time, I was chasing a high after a high because I was afraid of what would happen if I rested — would life still be meaningful if I am not waiting for my next big transformative moment? Would I still be able to grow if I have no new life theories, no unusual events to design, no crazy story to tell that reveals my new truth? I didn’t want to stop chasing and climbing g because I was afraid that once I took a break, I would revert back to where and who I was before then — sad, lonely, full of doubt, unable to express.

So when the pandemic happened, I still chose to let life fill me up, refusing to let this little external circumstantial inconvenience hamper my going forward. I signed up…